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Category: Life

Addendum, With Puppy

2003-04-13 John Winkelman

Mike , whose mojo Knows No Bounds, had this information about the tire swing:

The tire swing is a Mark di Suvero creation from the late 70s. He’s a well-known and important artist in the American modern/contemporary art scene, and has recently contributed a second major work to the Grand Rapids community at the Frederik Meijer Gardens. Mark works out of NYC in a very cool studio near Long Island City in Queens, but keeps a home in California as well.

“Motu,” the title of the installation that you played upon, is of Latin origin. It’s derived from the city’s motto “Motu Viget”, which roughly translates to “Strength Through Activity.”

Yesterday Virginia took me to the home of one of the families for whom she is a nanny. While there she showed me a box-full of two-week old shih-tzu puppies, for which she acted as a sort of midwife, even saving one of the puppies from suffocating.

Awwwwwww!

I looked up the shih-tzu in an old book I inherited, where it had the following information:

The shih-tzu – or “shitzoo”, in some parts of the Midwest (c.f. “kazoo”) – is a small dog, originally bred as a guard dog in China. Its agressive personality and fierce loyalty make it much harder to hate than most small dogs, and it has, in fact, been removed from the canonical List of Yappy Dogs (Smythe, 1886).

When attached via velcro to a broom-handle the shih-tzu makes an excellent dust-mop, and such is its personality that it views such behaviour as a sort of fun rough-house. They may also be used by hand to clean window sills and doorframes. Care must be taken when shaking the dust from the shih-tzu coat (Stewart, 1999), and we recommend that the dog actually be brushed instead.

Shih-tzu puppies – unlike the offspring of other small dogs – are born (Freud, 1886), rather than found secreted under rocks. From a quite young age they develop an instinctual hatred of Microsoft Internet Explorer 5, and will often cry when in the presence of a computer on which it is deployed. This hatred manifests itself later in life when the adult shih-tzu, which is often employed in web design and development, will go out of its way to write Javascript which causes IE5 to crash.

The shih-tzu is impervious to all known vectors of physical harm, although employing this trait in military or commercial ventures has yet to succeed (as exemplified in the Carnivorous Bomb Shelter Disaster of March, 1959).

The adult shih-tzu is best sustained with a steady diet of socks and the ankle-bones of small children.

Who the hell writes this stuff?

In other news I just finished cooking up a huge pot of borscht, enough bright red soup to last me the week. In the process I burned my left thumb something fierce, and every few seconds I must stop typing in order to immerse it in icewater.

Yumx0r

Posted in Life comment on Addendum, With Puppy

PHP Goodness

2003-04-10 John Winkelman

In my perpetual cycle of attention-whoring, I am working on adding reader-submitted comments to the individual post pages. There is a form there right now; it doesn’t go anywhere.

As I was warming up for class I watched the last hour of Aguirre, the Wrath of God , directed by Werner Herzog and starring the deeply spooky Klaus Kinski. There are a lot of strange men in cinema right now… John Malkovich, Willem Dafoe, and the like, but none of them can hold a candle to Kinski for sheer screen presence.

Posted in LifeTagged movies comment on PHP Goodness

I Got A Million of ‘Em

2003-04-09 John Winkelman

First, there is some great news! We’re-Here is apparently on it’s way back to the internet! The past five months have been long, cold and lonely.

Second, right now, at this very moment , I am listening to a truly groovy, hip cd: Filmstrip(Frame 1) , from Mush Records. This is the precursor to Ropeladder 12 , which I received as a Christmas present from the drunkard dynamic Mr Bock . Both are full of abstract – avant – underground hiphop. NerdyCool, smart, and totally great programming music.

Third, today for lunch Alison, Michele (coworkers) and I walked downtown and ate at Twochoppers Deli, home of the TwoChopper, which is quite possibly the best sandwich in the entire world. On the way back to work we stopped at the tire swing behind Calder Plaza, which is quite possibly the best tire swing in the entire world. It can comfortably seat eight people, it weighs around two hundred pounds empty, and it is a great place to bring a date. I am not sure what kind of tire it was in its previous life; probably some kind of tractor. A big tractor.

Today’s reason why IE5 Can Tie a Pork-Chop Around Its Neck and Play With a Doberman is the following: Placing block-style elements inside a FORM tag causes the Cascade part of Cascading Style Sheets to stop cascading. So instead of referencing a TD tag as “table.content td”, it must be referenced as “form table.content tr td”. This in and of itself is not such a huge thing, but the FORM tag, which doesn’t actually exist, much like a TR tag doesn’t really exist, shouldn’t have ANY effect on the cascade or styling or space on the webpage, or anything else. And it certainly shouldn’t BREAK anything!

Dear IE5: fuggoff!

( The Spoon Song by Nicodemus and Jay B is totally happenin’)

Posted in LifeTagged music comment on I Got A Million of ‘Em

Peace and Quiet

2003-04-07 John Winkelman

Got a call from a friend a little while ago. While his power was out yesterday someone broke into his apartment and stole his VCR and his fiance’s laptop. Material loss was minimal but she had years of documents on the computer. After work I will donate my unused VCR. Unused since I broke down and bought a DVD player.

Todays justification for pouring chlorine in the Browser Gene Pool is the simple fact that IE5 is the oldest major browser still in widespread use, and that is justification enough to start treating it like an obnoxious little yappy-dog.

Remember the scene from Good Omens where we learn the reason behind Crowley’s extraordinary collection of houseplants? Every now and then he would go through them and find the one which maybe was’t quite as green or bushy as the others. He would then carry the plant around while making comments like “You see this one? He just isn’t trying. He isn’t a Team Player.” And he would leave with the plant.

A few hours later he would return with the empty flower pot and leave it in the middle of the room, thus ensuring the healthiest, most vibrant (and terrified) collection of houseplants in London.

Ah, if only browsers were as intelligent as plants.

Posted in Life comment on Peace and Quiet

Shiny!

2003-04-06 John Winkelman

Today Virginia and I wandered around the campus of Aquinas College taking pictures of ice-laden trees. Beautiful stuff, if you are not a property owner.

About half an hour into our excursion a breeze picked up and the trees began a crystalline crick-crack , punctuated by branches falling in bursts of ice. I didn’t say anything but being under trees in that condition made me a little nervous.

Still: A beautiful day to be outside, and effectively broke up the melancholy of setting the clock ahead an hour.

Today’s reason why Internet Explorer 5 Can Take A Long Walk Off A Short Dock is the fact that Microsoft decided to use ActiveX to grant access to XML in its browsers, thereby effectively shutting Macintosh out of the running. The could have done something more universal (like Mozilla!), but instead chose the exclusionary/reactionary path. Actually, this applies to all versions of MS Internet Explorer, but Macintosh is only abused by IE up to version 5.x.

Die, internet explorer 5. Die, die, die. Go, and darken my monitor no more.

Posted in Life comment on Shiny!

Weather Related

2003-04-04 John Winkelman

All of my plans for this evening were cancelled by a solid inch of ice coating every available outdoor surface. I still have power, but the streetlights went dark at around 10:00. The trees will be sweeping the sidewalks by morning.

So I did what any other red-blooded American would do when stuck inside on a bitter Friday evening in April: I looked at porn.

No. Scratch that. I did my taxes. There was a heart-stopping moment when I though I would owe something in the neighborhood of $2k, but a quick review of my math showed that I had used Cosine when I should have used Sine, and I will in fact be getting a little back.

So what to do with this minor windfall?

I could get a new digital camera – not that there is anything wrong with the current camera. I could bulk up my DVD collection, or my CD collection, of my bookshelves. I could get a good start on a liquor cabinet. Or the contents thereof, anyway. Maybe a good suit. I bought my current suit just after I graduated from college, eleven years ago. I haven’t worn it since 1995, and it was a little tight around the waist at the time. I could buy a new sword or two. Not very practical, buy quite high on the nifty scale. Furniture is out of the question, because I can’t fit much of anything through the doorway into my apartment. A bike might be fun, but I have no place to store it when I am not riding.

Option paralysis.

I added a little more content to Master Lee’s site, this in the kung fu and tai chi forms pages. A little here, a little there.

Today’s reason why Internet Explorer 5 can Eat Shit And Die is that it comes in such a wide variety of distinct flavors: IE5 on the PC, IE5 on the Mac, and IE5.5 on the PC. Three entirely different beasts, one major browser release. So not only is the rendering engine crap, but just try coding a workaround with it’s half-and-half support of the standards. Makes we want to break things.

And so to bed.

Posted in Life comment on Weather Related

The Vultures Are Circling

2003-04-03 John Winkelman

President Bush has caused the death of fewer than a hundred American soldiers in Oil War 2003, and already the corporations are squabbling like fat children over a bacon pie to determine who gets trading rights for Texas II. France, who up until oh, about two days ago, was Iraq’s biggest trading partner, says that all contracts with Saddam Hussein made before the war will still be valid after the war. The US and Britain think otherwise. I can say with dead certainty that were it France declaring war on a US trading partner, the US would be all “Back off, Frog” to France, no matter what the justification.

And who’s getting the biggest contracts? Dick Cheney’s corporation. Hmm.

I hope the SUVs will still run on oil which The Administration has diluted with the blood of American soldiers. That’s why we sent them over there.

Today’s reason why Internet Explorer 5 Can Go Eat A Bag Of Hell is the following: IE5 does not recognise padding applied to the bottom of an image. That beautiful dashed (in non-stupid browsers, anyway) line which should be 20 pixels below the image is instead a solid line stuck to the bottom of the image like a flattened dog turd on a cowboy boot.

On a much lighter and more beautiful note, Potato Moon has a gig at Hair of the Frog brewery tomorrow night, starting at 7:30. I plan to take Virginia, if we feel up to being around other humans.

Posted in Life comment on The Vultures Are Circling

Laziness

2003-03-31 John Winkelman

Weeellll This evening I got off my lazy, inconsiderate ass and added content to Master Lee’s Website . I realized part-way into the work that some of the pages needed sub-navigation. Fortunately the design – created by the inebriated inestimable Bock – left room for such a thing, almost as if he anticipated the need.

I got my geek on this weekend with a movie and a comic book. The movie was Donnie Darko , which was all about angst and time travel and demonic rabbits. Okay, I may have over-simplified it a little, but it was a suspense movie of a flavor not entirely unlike PI . I highly recommend it.

The comic book, or “graphic novel”, if you will, was the collected first six issues of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen , by Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill. The reviewers at Amazon (follow the link) do a much better job of pimping this than I ever could; suffice it to say that I was hooked on page 2.

And last but not least, I am slowly putting together a page of useful design and development tools, which can be had for free at various places on the internet. It is linked in to the right, in the middle of the Library section.

Posted in Life comment on Laziness

Outside

2003-03-30 John Winkelman

I spent several hours today on a ladder drilling holes in a house, in anticipation of a day of blowing several bales of shredded paper into the walls for insulation. This was something I did for a friend in exchange for wood-fired pizza. I think I get the better end of the deal. How often does someone say “You want to come over and drill holes in my house”

Working in front of a computer for so many hours a week, I sometimes forget the simple pleasure of a day of hard manual labor. Far from being a wasted weekend day, today was relaxing and refreshing. I saw a couple of friends I haven’t seen in several months, and a couple of others whom I see every week, but seldom have the chance to talk to.

I have been sick most of this past week, which is fine, because the weather has been…not so great. I have made headway on my stack of books, including over a hundred pages of This Cold Heaven, by Gretel Ehrlich, which is a travel narrative about Greenland, by a poet who was once struck by lightning. It is a fine, fine read.

Posted in Life comment on Outside

Lamb

2003-03-16 John Winkelman

This afternoon Virginia and I went to Sami’s for gyros. After the initial feeding frenzy, in which I lost the tip of my pinky finger, we traded gyro stories. Actually, it was less a trade and more of her listening to me while she ate.

I had my first gyro in Gorky Park in Moscow, in June of 1994. This was at the tail end of a six week class excursion to Russia, and the bunch of us were dirty, sleep-deprived, suffering from mild alcohol poisoning, and loving every minute of it.

The day was overcast and spitting rain, and the park was mostly empty, except for the carnies. Boy, if you think American carnies are scary, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. We didn’t dare go on any of the rides; by Cedar Point standards they didn’t look like that much fun and we had a healthy distrust of Russian safety measures. The latrines were the most frightening experience of my life. They made my eyes water from a hundred yards UPWIND.

Just off of a smaller path a ways away from the river two Azerbaijani gentlemen had a small kiosk set up with a home-made rotisserie grill thing and a small strongbox. On the rotisserie was a big hunk of sheep meat. After days of sparse sack lunches and shoe-leather stew, the site of so much fresh meat sent us into a slavering frenzy of waiting in line for the sheep to finish cooking. The twenty minutes felt like an eternity. Every movement of an Azerbaijani arm left a vapor trail and the glint of sunlight from gold teeth was blinding.

Finally they were preparing my gyro. Several thin slices of lamb on pita bread, with a cucumber sause and fresh crushed parsley. To this day, I remember it as one of the best meals of my life.

Posted in LifeTagged food, Russia comment on Lamb

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